Malawi

Zomba, Malawi

We headed on to Zomba, Malawi's former capital until the 1970s that has some amazing architecture and a fabulous plateau. We arrived late in the day because of the usual banking problems in Blantyre (namely that none of the ATMs were working) and unfortunately the place we thought we would stay was completely full. We walked a short way up the steep hill to the next establishment that wanted a scandalous amount of money for a very basic room. While we ummed and ahhed, the nice fellow who showed us to the room mentioned that there was a cheaper place 'just a little further on' - how much further was unknown and now, of course, the sun had set. We grabbed our bags and set off up the hill, the very steep hill, in the dark, in flip flops. Amazingly, about 5 minutes after we set off, just past the first bend in the road, a 4wd pulled up and two German girls asked where we were going - the same place as them. They very kindly gave us a ride up to the hotel, our gratitude growing as we continued further and further up the hill, bend after bend. And the hotel was great, run by the very friendly Fletcher and Beatrice.

The following day, after a hot shower and the best sleep we'd had in ages, we set off for our walk up the Zomba plateau. The two German girls had recommended a guide, Isaac, who was very friendly and had amazing English. The walk was really lovely, affording us amazing panoramic views which aren't done justice in photos. We saw some superhuman men carrying two full tree trunks on their heads, down a slippery mud path - it's the kind of thing that is quite unbelievable to witness. The view clouded over when we reached the two best viewpoints, much to the consternation of Isaac who waited much longer than we would have for it to clear, exclaiming 'why bother coming all this way if you cannot see the view'.

Our Zomba luck continued on the way down. Our walk was much longer than we expected so we were descending as the sun was setting, listening to Muslim call to prayer float up from one of the town's mosques. The whole thing was very picturesque and lovely, but unfortunately we still had a long way to go, and an extra long way to go in the dark. Cars kept passing us, all heading up the hill, so we figured it was just a matter of time until they started to descend and take us with them. The first car passed us by, but the second car picked us up just as the light faded entirely. We spent the journey down the hill explaining how much we loved Malawi to the government officials who'd picked us up (and also saying what good jobs they had - Africans generally love this comment).

Harare (Zimbabwe)

We spent a few days in the capital, relaxing and doing a bit of cooking which was a welcome break from eating out three times a day. Our departure from Zimbabwe was delayed slightly when we checked out of our hostel at the crack of dawn, took a taxi into the center to catch our pre-booked and pre-paid bus, only to be told that the bus had broken down somewhere in Mozambique and wouldn't be leaving until the same time the following morning! And this was the only company running buses straight through to Malawi. So, another taxi back to the hostel,reoccupied our room ( which in this case was a campervan as all the other rooms were full!) before anyone else had actually woke up. So we found ourselves with an extra day in Harare, but we made best of the situation, and actually had quite a good day. So, the next morning after breakfasting on a huge bowl of deja vu, we tried again. This time the bus was there but because of the cancellation yesterday the bus was absolutely packed. And it was a long trip. We were heading into Malawi, but as Zimbabwe doesn't have border with Malawi, we had to cut through a section of neighbouring Mozambique. Of course you can't just 'nip' through a country to get to another, so a fair bit of time was taken up while we and our fellow sardines on the cramped bus obtained transit visas. For a few other reasons we were running extremely late and the passengers were trying to let their annoyances be heard via a chorus of extra loud and irate classical African tuts. So, after leaving Harare at 8am, we eventually found ourselves at the Malawian border at 7.30 pm, but still with an hour and a half left before the border post shut. This would have been true on most days, but today, we were told, the custom officials, following a " very busy day'' were " extremely tired" and they "wanted to go home", and that's what they did. So, even though we had had our passports stamped, all of the vehicles that had arrived at the border would have to stay there during the night until the officials came back on duty the following morning in order to inspect the passengers' luggage! So there was a lot of confusion about what to do next. Amazingly not a lot of the passengers on our bus seemed particularly put out by this news! In fact many of them just got back on the bus and 'bedded' down for the night. The African spirit never ceases to amaze me, they can be bombarded with a whole lot of doom and gloom and general bad luck, but they seem to take it on their chin and shrug it off with a "Oh well, these things happen from time to time." We, on the other hand, didn't fancy another minute on this over crowded, uncomfortable bus, and we certainly weren't going to spend the night on it. So we walked over to the Malawian side of the gate and organised some onward transport, as we still were 100km from our destination of Blantyre. Then we simply took our packs from under the bus and walked, bold as brass, past the lazy officials, through the gate and into Malawi. I don't think they even noticed us slip out. We jumped into our over priced 'chartered' minibus taxi and sped on through to Blantyre, avoiding the occasional nocturnal goat. That was our unconventional arrival into Malawi.

Great Zimbabwe

Perhaps the biggest incentive for us to visit Zim, apart from the lure of the US dollar dispensing ATMs, were the ruins of Great Zimbabwe some 40kms away from the town of Masvingo. We bargained hard with a 'taxi' driver to take us there and back as we thought the ruins were only 6kms or so away. We did well to get the ride for $26, although we still thought it expensive until we left town and realised how far it actually was. We did feel a little rough for haggling so hard. We felt even more sorry for the driver when we got pulled over at one of the many police road blocks and he was fined $30 for 3 separate offensives ( the seat belt, licence and registration trifecta). This put him at a $4 loss for taking our fare! On our return to town we gave him a bit extra as it was quite a lot further than we had thought. Anyway, the ruins were very impressive. We had envisaged a series of small walls requiring a great deal of imagination. But no, some of these dry stone walls were 11m tall and 5m thick, and very little reconstruction had taken place here. These are the best preserved African ruins south of the Egyptian pyramids, or so they say. The most impressive section of this ancient settlement was the walled 'village' built on top of a rocky outcrop, the hill complex.

The oddly surreal thing about this place was the lack of tourists. I'd imagine if Zimbabwe's image improved, and the large number of tourists returned, then these ruins would be teaming with visitors. But as it was, we virtually had the place to ourselves. Try and picture an image of the Taj Mahal, Stonehenge or Angkor Wat without any seeing any other people. That was the unique feeling we had when we were at this marvellous site, and I'm sure it won't stay like this more much longer. At least I hope it doesn't.

Bulawayo (Zimbabwe)

We were keen to the see the rock formations, rock art and resting place of Cecil John Rhodes (he of Rhodesia fame) in the nearby Matopos National Park. We organised a tour to take us there and to drive around the park to see the sights. However we nearly pulled the plug on the whole thing when we saw the state of the vehicle that pulled up. "Ah, our normal car is at the mechanics receiving a service". Alarm bells were already ringing, African cars are seldom repaired, let alone serviced. Aborting the tour would mean having to rearrange it for tomorrow and we really couldn't be bothered hanging around for another day. So we decided to give it a whirl as we squeezed into the cab of the 'bakkie' truck, a kind of canopied 'ute'. It turned that the 'vehicle' was the loan car from the mechanics, which seemed to fit the bill, as it looked like only a good mechanic could get this thing started. Surprising it started first time, but little did we know that this would be the final time this vehicle would start in the conventional way for the rest of the day, and hopefully, for the safety of the other road users of Bulawayo, it won't start for much longer. Not a lot of things seemed to work in this car, the suspension was gone,the steering was all over the place, the exhaust hanging off. If this car had been a family pet, it would have been put down years ago. Unfortunately this is all pretty much par for the course out here. But the most wonderfully unique quirk of this car was that the passenger seat (the one shared by myself and Andrea) was missing it's platform that fastens itself to the car's floor, and in it's place, propping up our seat, was, incredibly an ancient, hardened cob of corn. And yes, we do have photographic evidence. I know Africans use corn for many purposes, but in my experience these purposes are generally of the edible nature. Every time the driver hit a pothole ( as the steering was dodgy) we felt the full force of the impact (as the suspension was gone) and then this force being transferred to the cob sent hardened corn kernels flying all over the place as if we were being shot at by a sniper. If this hadn't have been so funny we would have been terrified. We were half expecting to find popcorn around our feet. We'd occasionally try and get a glimpse of the speedometer to see how fast (or slow, as the first and second gears didn't seem to have any power at all ) we were going. Of course this was wishful thinking as non of the dashboard dials worked. In fact the only other thing working in this car apart from the maize shock absorber (which for the record was rapidly running out of kernels) was the clock. I was even a little dubious about the accuracy of this clock as time seemed to be passing very slowly in this death trap.

To cut a long story (and even longer afternoon) short, we had to push start this heap of junk at the park entrance, the war memorial, the rock art sight, Cecil Rhodes' grave ( which should have also been the resting place for this vehicle) and then the 'museum'. However, the push at the museum required even more effort for our rapidly tiring bodies, as not only did we have to push the vehicle up hill, over exposed tree roots, on a gravel road, we now had the addition of a flat rear tyre to contend with. 'Spare tyre?' you ask, of course not, we were fortunate to have actually started with 4. So there we were trying to push start this car, and every time we got it started, it would splutter along for about 100m and then cut again. Another push start and then another 100m. After the 4th or 5th time it was getting quite boring and we gave up squeezing ourselves into the front seat and instead we just jumped into the back of the truck, which seemed to do the trick as this time we actually made it back to the main road. So we are driving along in the most unsafe, unroadworthy car ever......but this time on three tyres and a rim. It was absolutely hilarious, the noise was deafening but we could still hear our laughter over the grinding of metal against bitumen. We actually made it a few kms along the road before the car just gave up and we came to a stand still. As I mentioned earlier, mobile phones are everywhere (so far) in Africa and mobile reception coverage is ever present.....except in this national park. Our 'guide' told us he would run up to Rhodes' grave on top of a substantial hill. Rhodes' resting place is called 'World's View', and as you would imagine the 'great man of African colonisation' didn't do things by half, and a little thing like passing away didn't get in his way. He was laid to rest on top a remarkable outcrop of rock, strewn with huge spherical balancing boulders carpeted in bright lime green lichen with an amazing 360 degrees views of the sweeping landscape below. So high that a lightening conductor is placed there. This is where our man had to run to phone for help. Needless to say we waited by the side of the road for 4 hours without seeing him again, with no real idea of what the plan was, if indeed there was one. Just as we were considering eating the scattered corn kernels (primarily to pass the time and secondly as a source of nourishment) our guide showed up, just after dark, with the mechanics and their slightly more road worthy vehicle. A quick tyre change, some tinkering under the bonnet which actually allowed the car start without a push, and we were off again. We stalled again going up too steep an incline. We started again after another push but we didn't get far before we ran out of petrol. More pushing then to get the car to the side of the road, out of the way of the big trucks that were flying past us. By this time we were over pushing this vehicle and the sound of our laughter seemed like an ice age away. At last we were back on the road again. We thought riding in this car was scary during the day, however during the night it was terrifying. Definitely in the top 5 scariest rides off all time (and some of the top 5 include small aircraft in electrical storms and demonic horses hell bent on breaking the world land speed record on an African beach.) White knuckled and white faced we made it 'home' and drank a bottle of red wine in record time, no top 5 contender for the fastest, but THE fastest ever. Ah, Matopos National Park, such a memorable day out.

Victoria Falls (Zimbabwe)

Although Vic Falls isn't the prettiest tourist town in the world, it's only a stone's throw away from the mighty Victoria Falls, the smoke that thunders. In fact it's so close you can hear its roar and see the 'smoke' above the buildings. We splashed out and took quick helicopter ride (most tourist helicopter rides are generally quick) over the Falls which was amazing. We then entered the Falls national park for some views on foot. There was so much water coming over the Falls at this time of year that only a couple of the views points actually allowed us a view. The heavy spray rendered the other vantage points view-less, but we still tried to sneak a peek getting absolutely drenched in the process. So that's why the touts around the entrance were selling plastic ponchos in the blazing heat.

Apart from the many street touts trying to sell the old million, billion and trillion dollar notes, the other minor nuisance in town were the ugly hoards of baboons swaggering around the place, like bored teenagers on the lookout for mischievous opportunities. We saw a troop of these scary primates board an arriving train just like pirates trying to take another ship. They were running and jumping across the carriage roofs like in the old movies and then swinging down into the carriages through the open doors and windows with the timing and precision of the SAS. You could see them eating the foods scraps they were so keen to get to while they gazed out of the train windows, looking like little old men enjoying their journey. Nasty creatures, baboons that is, not little old men.

It was one of these overnight trains that we took south to Bulawayo. The train left at 8pm, so we found our carriage in the dark. We asked the conductor how to turn on the lights in our compartment, "Ah, it is not possible, there is no eleck-tricity." "But the lights will come on when the train starts moving?" we asked. "No" was the answer. It was pitch black in our cosy little 2 berth coupe (as they called them), but once we got our torches out it was obvious that this train would have been very fancy about 50 years ago. Some wonderful cabinets, an old,but sadly neglected metal sink, decorative light switches and fittings (obviously obsolete these days) and some cool old mirrors still embossed with the regal looking initials RR (Rhodesian Railways). So we settled in to the grandeur of yesteryear in our run down, past it's prime moving hotel room for the evening. We thought ourselves quite clever having bought a large pizza and a bottle of wine for a romantic torch lit dinner. The coupe even had a wonderful looking fold out table that we hadn't noticed straight away. So, we were all set until disaster struck, the fold out table defolded itself relegating our dinner to the abyss of the cold,dark, probably not that clean coupe floor. Oh, and we thought we were being so smart, but obviously not as smart as the baboons who had obviously been tampering with the table's locking mechanism guaranteeing a generous breakfast for their cousins in Bulawayo. So, wishfully hoping the 5 second rule was also applicable to aging Rhodesian train floors, we scooped up the salvageable slices in the dark applying the adage of "What you can't see can't hurt you." The more suspect pieces i.e. cheese side down, were placed in a separate bag labelled "Emergency Breakfast" along with 4 Immodium tablets. Thankfully we required neither.

Zimbabwe

Up to this point all our visas had been free, but this all changed at the Zim border. Hard currency (US dollars, UK pounds, Euros) are handy/necessary for many parts of Africa, however we didn't have much of it left at this point, and we had significantly less once we entered Zim. For Canadian and UK passport holders the visa cost was $75 or 60 Euros, but it was much less for Australian passport holders, so I gave the border guard a quick "G'day" and handed over my Aussie passport while whistling Walzing Matilda.

Although we were now out of hard currency we were fully aware that since 2008, following years of hyperinflation, the Zim dollar (with printed notes up to the value of 100 trillion) had gone under, and the country's official currency is now the US dollar, although the US dollar had been the unofficial currency for some years. Although the cost of living had soared since 'dollarisation', the country's ATMs now dispense US dollars which makes it the perfect place to stock up on hard currency.

Botswana

Maun

So, after some indecision, we made the snap call of "Let's go to Botswana in the morning" and we did. We bit the bullet and paid the price for an expensive ride to Maun, the gate way to the Okavango Delta. From here we did an overnight mokoro (traditional dug out canoe, however, our's turned out to be an untraditional fibre-glass moulded one) trip to one of the thousands of small islands in the 'outer delta' area. Unfortunately the trip didn't live up to our expectations. We had envisaged this region to be teaming with wildlife, with elephants and hippos lurking around every bend. We did get pretty close (too close in fact) to the many spiders that lived amongst the reeds of the water lillies that our mokoro ploughed a new route through. Thankfully there were also some wonderful tiny frogs that almost distracted us from the uncomfortablly large spiders that were hurtling towards our faces. We asked our boatman if these spiders were poisionous. There was a long pause and then he answered "No." Then an even longer pause, "Not these ones."

Apparently, to see the real beauty of the Okavango Delta, you must take a flight into one of the exclusive lodges in the "inner delta" and as we all know exclusive is a synonym for expensive.
Interesting Botswana fact...as most of Botswana is situated in the Kalahari Desert, rainful is extremely important and precious, so much so that their currency, the Pula, is also the name for rain. And one Pula is divided into 100 Thebe or rain drops!

The other big attraction in these parts is the Chobe River, although you'd be almost guaranteed to see the elephants and hippos, we decided to take a break from the game viewing, and give our wallets a welcome break from the exclusive prices.

We took advantage of a cheap flight over the delta to Kasane and saved ourselves a couple of days of very slow travel on tretcherously cattle-infested roads. From here it was a quick drive to the Zimbabwean border.